Why Am I, Oh Why Am I The One Who Plans?

When I was younger, I always thought that if I were just one step ahead of everything and everyone, that nothing bad would ever happen. And to be honest, my system worked out for a while, but as I grew older, it became overly meticulous to try to plan everything and know everything beforehand. Even now, in my third year of high school, my friends still deride my need to know everything and my need to be prepared for what is going to happen next. I keep all my homework and important days on my ical, take weekly snapshots of my ical and upload them onto the server, and make sure to take perfect care of my laptop so as to not have to get it re-imaged. I wish I could be one of those people that just came home after school and did their homework when they pleased, or not at all, but I cannot abrogate my ways. This is how I’ve been programmed. Sometimes, when I get home at 7 from debate or track or whatever, I’m sometimes in a capricious mood and leave things off until the next day, but that attitude lasts an ephemeral time, sorry. I just don’t know how you can be so unorganized, I truly sympathize with people who use the “I forgot!” excuse because that’s never me. You might think this blog is lame, but I needed to show you how absolutely anal I am with these things, this isn’t a ruse, this is me. But then again, I like it. I like being organized and knowing exactly what I have to do and when. I don’t like surprises so my way of life works out great. You don’t like it, don’t hector me; just go back to forgetting your homework and eating chips in front of your TV while I slave away at my desk and actually get things accomplished.

“Organize your life around your drams- and watch them come true.”

Those Dreaded Winter Track Meets.

Running. Doing Homework. Drinking oh so much water. Warming up. Cooling Down. Going to the Bathroom. Listening to music. And so many other disheveled activities going on at the same time. Waiting for a race is the most stressful activity you will ever endure. Amongst all the hustle and bustle you can only worry about number 1. You push. You shove. You have no empathy for anyone else. You get to your destination. And you do anything you have to, to get there. There are no ands ifs or buts. You’re all there is, and you’re the only thing you can manage to worry about. Even though all this is going on, you forget about it all, you listen to nothing, you hear nothing, and you hear no one. You block everything out and focus. During your race you’re at peace, and you don’t have anything on your mind but beating the person in front of you. You have to catch him, you must. It’s the only thing you can do correctly right now. That is your destination. At the crux of your race, you reach him and you know that in only a short amount of time, you will be wearing that glinting gold medal across your chest, flaunting your victory. Only a few more steps to go. Even though your gasping for air, your whole lower body wants to fall off, and your head is spinning with a thousand questions, but you know you’re done, redress. You can now take a soothing cool down lap and drain your legs against the cool wall. Lie back, lift your legs, and let the wall support you. Look into the ethereal light hanging above you and know that everything will be ok. Feel the medal pressing into your skin, and know you did it. Close your eyes and replay the race, you notice you don’t remember it and you open your eyes and come back to the light. Usually they tell you not to look into the light, but this light is soothing, this light is warming, this light is home, succumb to it.

"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you'd better be running."