Holding It In.

At the peer leader module, the legendary Robert Pruitt came to speak to all the new leaders, about their own feelings; because how can someone even imagine leading others, when they cannot conquer themselves? No matter what qualms or thoughts we had going into the program, we could not imagined what was in store for us The tears were flowing, and it wasn’t because anything the speaker was saying, but because of the battles we were all fighting inside ourselves. This process showed everyone, that even those who are looked at as being Olympian, really only felt like pariahs, who had no meaning in the world. Everyone in that room, all seventy-five of us, was faced with an inordinate problem, which only we knew, and only we could fix. Though no one person in that small room could say they knew everyone, we all left there feeling as though we connected with each person, at least for a single minutia of a moment.

Pruitt used no crescendo, no bombast, and no persuasion or guilt; he simply showed us that what we were going through, seventy-four others (in the room) felt the same way. He exhorted us to fix the problems within ourselves, and taught us how to start. I think everyone who attended the workshop, left not only feeling relieved, but anew. Many people left there as a whole new person, and even those who did not drastically change their lives, felt as though a piece of their inner torment was somehow relieved. Robert Pruitt is truly someone to emulate because he is a living example of someone who has taken all the good and all the bad in his life, and tried to use it to his own advantage, and to the advantage of others. He showed us that a smile can really change a person’s life, and that every action we take, affects someone else. Pruitt imbued us to be careful of what we say, be careful at how we say it, and just to strive to make the world a better place.

A great man once said, “Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe” (Winston Churchill).

DayDreaming.

A daydream is a visionary fantasy experienced while awake, especially one of happy, pleasant thoughts, hopes or ambitions.

I am a daydreamer. You can definitely catch me staring off into the endless abyss of my mind, at any time of the day. I run away. I escape my stress, my fears, my worries, my inhibitions, everything. I am a refugee. Even though I am one of the most gregarious people you’ll know, I still need my own time; time for myself. I’ve had enough. When I day dream, I walk into a capacious room, where no one, and nothing, can follow me. I am halcyon. My mind leaves my body, just for a few moments, and finds peace. When I have to return to my body, and have to face whatever it was I was trying to escape, my body has to commandeer my mind, and force it to come back. As simple as it may seem, it saves me, it completes me, and it helps me survive. This maudlin part of my day makes, whatever it is, seem that much better, just because I am able to run away, to my own world, where I can be at peace, and most importantly be happy. I am a daydreamer.

I Run All Year Round.

Those five words don’t properly represent the tireless hours spent practicing, those weekends spent at endless meets, and those endless nights spent doing my homework, because of the dreadful practices. The worst feeling in my never-ending world occurs while running in a meet. This could be hard for you to assimilate to, but this is my life. We start out on a long line, all seventy-five of us lined up; staring each other down, and meticulously analyzing who will beat you, and who is too weak to pass you. This happens every time, and then you hear that sound, the one we all hate. The ref. shoots the gun, and the aberration begins. Going down hills, through sand, back up hills, through forests, around lakes, and all over again. You may tell me to quit, but it’s enigmatic for you. Those two laps, through the labyrinth that threatens to consume you with every step; we put everything into them. Passing people who cheer for you gives you a short boost, but it’s not enough to inspire you to finish, and finish well. By the end we feel as though our bodies are going to fold over on themselves, and our legs threaten to give out from under us. Looking at the parents, watching their kids, with the excited and contempt demeanors, I just wish I could be them; standing on the sideline only cheering, and never understanding. We put our blood, our sweat, and our hearts into each race, and by the end, there is nothing left. Even though we all complain, we all get hurt, and we all detest the meets; we still show up everyday to every practice and every meet. It has consumed us, and we can’t escape. Running.